My Top 10 Ways for Making Parenting with MS Easier

My kids were little when I first developed MS. As a result, I learned some strategies to help us all conserve some energy and roll with the changes.

Parenting requires immense physical and emotional effort under the best of circumstances. Add in a chronic illness and it can become overwhelming.

As a mother with multiple sclerosis (MS), I’ve learned some strategies to help make parenting more manageable, especially when my symptoms are flaring. Here are my top 10.

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1. Find backup help

I keep a list handy of people I can call in moments of need. Having family and close friends nearby is ideal, but having at least one other person on your list when they’re not available can make all the difference.

When my children were young, I was still undiagnosed and untreated. Profound weakness prevented me from being able to prepare every meal, take my children to each activity, and care for them and our home in the way I wanted to.

Sometimes, I’d go down my list and still couldn’t find anyone to help out, so my husband and I started thinking about hiring someone.

At first, I was reluctant to invite a stranger into my home to help with my children, but it turned out to be the best decision for our family once I found the right person. I found a part-time nanny through Care.com, a service that connects families with quality background-checked caregivers in their area.

Our nanny eased my responsibilities and made our lives more manageable.

2. Freeze meals

When you’re chronically ill, cooking becomes a balancing act of doing more when you can and less when you can’t. I’ve learned that when I feel well enough to cook, making additional portions and freezing them means dinner is already prepped for another day when cooking may not be possible due to my MS symptoms.

You can freeze almost any food safely. Be sure to keep the temperature in your freezer at 0°F, as this temperature inactivates any microbes that might be present.

Of course, flavor and texture are other considerations. Soups and stews tend to freeze and thaw well, while other foods lose something in the translation. Check your favorite recipe website for advice.

3. Put some toys in storage

When my children were little and received gifts around the holidays or on birthdays, a few went straight into our storage closet. On days when I needed more rest, these toys were new and exciting, and they provided entertainment when I couldn’t.

Having a couple of toys in storage ensures there’s always novel play around the corner — even if it’s as simple as a new container of Play-Doh!

4. Accept help

Parenting with MS often means we can’t do it all, but accepting help for the more physically demanding duties means more time snuggling and making memories with your children.

If someone offers to cook, clean, or do laundry, let them! Accepting help when needed is a form of strength; as someone who craves independence, I remind myself of this often.

Making the beds, cooking dinner, and giving my children a bath were all difficult for me when they were young and unable to help. I accepted help from family or our nanny, and that meant I had enough energy to read a book with my children before bed.

I still ask for help when I need it, and now that my children are 12 and 9 years old, they pitch in around the house as well.

5. Practice self-care

It might be cliché, but you’ve got to put on your own oxygen mask — in other words, take care of your own needs — before you can take care of your kiddos.

You can care for yourself in many ways. Two of the most important (and, let’s face it, obvious) ways are to rest when your body needs to recharge and to take your medications regularly.

Less obviously, perhaps, is to remember to keep doing the activities that make you happy. You might even keep a list of activities you enjoy so that when you’re really stressed, you can take a quick glance to find something that might boost your mood or energy.

Don’t forget the other components of self-care: finding a diet that makes you feel well, staying socially active, and getting enough sleep and exercise.

A 2021 study including 280 people with MS found that only about half of participants engaged in self-care, but those who did had a better quality of life — so making self-care a priority is the way to go!

6. Learn to manage stress

Many people who live with MS notice that stress worsens their symptoms.

When I’m under acute stress — like when one of my children gets hurt, or I have a work deadline approaching — I can feel my symptoms worsen quickly, and that makes parenting that much more difficult.

Learning to manage stress can prevent this from occurring. The first step is identifying what your stressors are, and then opening your stress management toolkit.

When I’m under stress, I find that listening to music, talking with a friend or family member, or sitting outdoors on a nice day helps me remain calm and prevent a flare from starting. That means my symptoms remain stable and I can continue parenting without added difficulty.

Sometimes ongoing stressors require professional help. This could mean hiring a marriage counselor, job coach, financial planner, or patient advocate.

Finding support in a peer group can also help by talking through a problem with someone who really understands your circumstances.

7. Have a routine

Life with MS presents unknowns and changes in our everyday lives. Having consistent routines provide comfort and a sense of safety for children. This provides the added bonus of leading to better behavior.

When my children were young and still taking naps, we had a naptime routine of rocking in the rocking chair and singing a song at the same time every day.

When we hired our nanny, our kids followed the same bedtime routine we’d always had: taking a bath, brushing teeth, and then reading a book. This gave them comfort and stability when someone new entered their lives.

Routines gave my children a sense of consistency when my symptoms were flaring and causing other aspects of our lives — like whether I’d be able to attend an event — to be uncertain.

8. Be flexible

When you live with MS, teaching children to be flexible can make things easier when the routine suddenly changes.

Children can learn to be flexible through compromise. When my children asked to go to the playground on days when I couldn’t, playing outside in our yard was a compromise.

Parents can benefit from flexibility as well by accepting that imperfection can be enough. The house may get messy and dinners may not always be a fully balanced meal. That’s OK. Making sure your children know they’re loved lies above all else.

And when you model that imperfection is OK, children become more flexible and better prepared for life’s challenges.

9. Talk about your illness

Some parents may believe that not talking about their MS protects their children, but the opposite is actually true. Kids generally know that something is wrong, and a lack of information can send their young minds spiraling.

A small 2015 study involving nine adolescents and their parents with MS supported this. The kids in the study expressed a desire to be well informed about their parents’ disease.

Some kids didn’t know whether MS is fatal (it’s not), and most wanted the ability to ask questions about the disease, emotions, thoughts, and fears about the future. Kids also wanted to be able to talk with their parents’ healthcare professionals.

In addition, kids who are less informed exhibit poorer emotional wellness — and that can make family life difficult for everyone.

Researchers suggest talking with children about MS when a parent is first diagnosed, if possible, and then consistently throughout the disease course.

Naturally, discussions should be age-appropriate and individualized to reflect the parent’s specific situation.

10. Teach kids to help

Teaching your children to help around the house eases your load, but it’s also good for their development and can help them feel more empowered and proactive.

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry suggests that children who do chores may exhibit higher self-esteem, be more responsible, and better equipped to deal with frustration.

The organization suggests the following chores by age:

• 2 to 3 years old: put toys and groceries away
• 4 to 5 years old: help feed pets, make their beds, and help clear the table after dinner
• 6 to 7 years old: wipe tables and counters, put laundry away, and sweep floors
• 7 to 9 years old: load and unload the dishwasher, help with meal preparation
• 10 to 11 years old: change their sheets, clean the kitchen or bathrooms, and do yard work
• 12 years and above: wash the car and help with younger siblings
• Older teens and young adults: help with grocery shopping and running errands

The takeaway

Parenting with MS can be challenging, but some strategies can ease your workload while helping support your child’s development.

Finding what works for your family can make all the difference in allowing you to be the parent you always imagined you’d be.